One Giant "That's What He Said" Joke

I'd just like to state that I by no means did this on purpose. The following is a recent article I wrote about a very nice, old gentleman: 

The Inspiration of Wood

When asked how he created his sculptures, the Renaissance artist, Michelangelo di Lodovico Buonarroti Simoni allegedly stated, “I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.” The ability to carve with artistry, whatever the material, demands that an individual possess steady hands, a vision and an imaginative eye. These traits are held in abundance by Tempe resident Altan Foster.

With 32 years of experience in woodworking, where he has made everything from rocking horses and toys for his grandchildren, to exquisite pens, bowls and furniture from American, South American and African materials, Foster now justly writes “Master Craftsman” on his business cards. He goes online to North Carolina and Utah companies to purchase materials and research the woods that best fit his artistic vision. Foster’s son, Gary Foster, thinks his father’s hobby is “amazing.” He has tried to use his father’s tools to attempt woodworking, but without success. “You’ve got to be exact and have an artistic touch to do it.”

Foster’s neighbor and friend, Janice Shafer, has admiringly stated, “[Altan] uses creativity and intellect to show that art can be made at any point in life. It is profound to witness someone who carries forward in such a way.”

By the way, Altan Foster was born on February 28, 1917. At 92-years-old, he continues to make beautiful objects.

Following his retirement from his profession as a businessman at age 64, Foster knew only that he “really loved wood.” He had attended arts and crafts shows and saw the work of skilled artisans and decided that he would take up woodworking as a hobby. He gathered the supplies and even did some logging himself. Foster’s age was never a deterrent from his “attraction to the smell and feel of wood.” “I am fortunate that my health has been good,” pronounced Foster, “my hands have remained steady so I can do what I love.”

Last year, Foster made over 100 pens, as well as many bowls, for gifts and profit. One of his popular innovations is that he does not discard wood with unsightly knots or flaws, but instead fills natural defects with turquoise or other attractive gems. This technique gives his bowls “interest” and beauty. He recently stated, “I am inspired by the shape and texture of the wood. I like to let the natural rim show and work with imperfections to make something unique.”

Foster regularly sells his products at fairs and shows where his bowls and furniture are very popular. According to his son Gary, local museums have even taken an interest in Foster’s work.

Foster’s “hobby” has more than paid for itself. Through the sale of his art, he has been able to purchase expensive woodworking equipment, as well as turn a profit. For those who have witnessed his talent and skill, Foster has provided much more than beautiful art and useful items. His endeavors at such an advanced age have inspired others to continue to seek fulfillment and challenge themselves throughout their lives. “I just hope that I’m doing as well as my father at 92,” said Gary Foster.

 I hope to God that no one under the age of 25 reads this article.