One Giant "That's What He Said" Joke

I'd just like to state that I by no means did this on purpose. The following is a recent article I wrote about a very nice, old gentleman: 

The Inspiration of Wood

When asked how he created his sculptures, the Renaissance artist, Michelangelo di Lodovico Buonarroti Simoni allegedly stated, “I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.” The ability to carve with artistry, whatever the material, demands that an individual possess steady hands, a vision and an imaginative eye. These traits are held in abundance by Tempe resident Altan Foster.

With 32 years of experience in woodworking, where he has made everything from rocking horses and toys for his grandchildren, to exquisite pens, bowls and furniture from American, South American and African materials, Foster now justly writes “Master Craftsman” on his business cards. He goes online to North Carolina and Utah companies to purchase materials and research the woods that best fit his artistic vision. Foster’s son, Gary Foster, thinks his father’s hobby is “amazing.” He has tried to use his father’s tools to attempt woodworking, but without success. “You’ve got to be exact and have an artistic touch to do it.”

Foster’s neighbor and friend, Janice Shafer, has admiringly stated, “[Altan] uses creativity and intellect to show that art can be made at any point in life. It is profound to witness someone who carries forward in such a way.”

By the way, Altan Foster was born on February 28, 1917. At 92-years-old, he continues to make beautiful objects.

Following his retirement from his profession as a businessman at age 64, Foster knew only that he “really loved wood.” He had attended arts and crafts shows and saw the work of skilled artisans and decided that he would take up woodworking as a hobby. He gathered the supplies and even did some logging himself. Foster’s age was never a deterrent from his “attraction to the smell and feel of wood.” “I am fortunate that my health has been good,” pronounced Foster, “my hands have remained steady so I can do what I love.”

Last year, Foster made over 100 pens, as well as many bowls, for gifts and profit. One of his popular innovations is that he does not discard wood with unsightly knots or flaws, but instead fills natural defects with turquoise or other attractive gems. This technique gives his bowls “interest” and beauty. He recently stated, “I am inspired by the shape and texture of the wood. I like to let the natural rim show and work with imperfections to make something unique.”

Foster regularly sells his products at fairs and shows where his bowls and furniture are very popular. According to his son Gary, local museums have even taken an interest in Foster’s work.

Foster’s “hobby” has more than paid for itself. Through the sale of his art, he has been able to purchase expensive woodworking equipment, as well as turn a profit. For those who have witnessed his talent and skill, Foster has provided much more than beautiful art and useful items. His endeavors at such an advanced age have inspired others to continue to seek fulfillment and challenge themselves throughout their lives. “I just hope that I’m doing as well as my father at 92,” said Gary Foster.

 I hope to God that no one under the age of 25 reads this article. 

I Hear Neil Patrick Harris

DOOGIE

Tulips, Tulips, Everywhere

I miss Tulips. I think Arizona should figure out a way to maintain 76 degree weather all year long.

Although...note the man in the first picture with a cowboy hat. Could this picture have been taken in Arizona? Naw. He's probably just tooling around in his motor home.

Crooked Teeth: Death Cab and Emily

When one follows the directions of professionals (whether they be dental or medical), to the letter, and their advice and techniques don't work, where is the justice? I know they're not omniscient, but they've had a good deal more knowledge instilled in them through heavily funded Universities than I have. Moreover, they are profiting from my pain.

My braces were removed in the 8th Grade. I remember the day with joy. You could liken my pre-existence to the monstrous hunch of a self-conscious shadow. My now constant worry that I have something in my teeth can be directly traced to this horrific time.

BRACES.

Thankfully, early adolescence is the time for most boys and girls to be hideous, so comparatively, it's not that terrible. I was determined to follow my orthodontist's instructions to the letter. I had had too many pieces of food stuck in my metal and cried too many salt tears over pain and pure ugliness to experience the process again. I was going to have straight, pearly white teeth FOREVER. I wore my retainer every night until they told me I could wear them once every two nights. That is what I did...until now.

I watched as my friends ignored the directions of their orthodontists and boasted to me that they "never wore their retainer." I would think to myself..."those poor saps. They don't realize that they're only hurting their future beauty." Unfortunately, my superior attitude was completely inappropriate. Their teeth remained straight. Mine slowly started to shift. The shift of creeping, insidious ruin.

I finally gave in...and went to an orthodontist.

Next week, I will be the possessor of a brand new, permanent retainer on my bottom teeth and a new upper retainer. I will spend upwards of $500 to choke off the ubiquitous surge of disloyal teeth.

I could have purchased a bike. Or an ipod. Or a bike and an ipod. Damn you, teeth.

New Beginnings

The recruitment fair for Public History and Scholarly Publishing at ASU last week was amazing. Let's face it, I had mainly decided to go to ASU as a result of location. However, in addition to that requirement, I found out that the program provides experience in my EXACT areas of interest. Turns out (lucky for me), that the Public History MA program is one of the premier programs in the country. Their graduates have a 96% success rate of finding jobs fresh from graduation. Moreover, I get a great vibe from the faculty and feel like my time at ASU would be well spent.

I have to say, my heart will always bleed red and blue (go Wildcats!), but ASU seems to be the perfect fit. I'm excited to formally accept their offer and will hopefully receive financial aid.

In other, more exciting news, Chris is coming home this upcoming week!! The long distance monster will be vanquished and we can finally lead relatively normal lives with a relatively normal relationship :). I cannot wait to see him on a regular basis. I don't think I could ever take his presence for granted after this ordeal.

I feel like everything is falling into place. Both Chris and I are so lucky. We are watching our aspirations and passions come to fruition!